my ishtyle

love u gran'maa

2010-05-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

She always saved me from mom...encouraged all my activities. She never ever scolded me. For the the first time in my life, I attended a funeral...saw the pyre. I carried her from our home to the funeral parlour. She went away peacefully, she had been wishing this for quite some time. We shared a close bond...we shared a room for a greater part of my student life. She'd not sleep out of her old age and i would study late in the night. We used to have strange conversations...of mosquitoes, of some sound, of her drooping posture, of our childhood...

I did not cry...felt choked but could'nt cry. Out of laziness or just busy hanging out with friends, I did not visit her in her last few days...I regret. Feeling wierd at this moment as I am a grown up now but I really don't know how to react...find the crowd at home maddening...lots of people, some real some fake. I am not able to show my emotions and just sit faceless. I am not sure if I would miss her, I took her for granted, never thought that she would move away from my life. Social obligations have forced me to lament her death in more ridiculous ways...but I feel good for her. She lived it...enjoyed it...wanted to say goodbye to the thing called life. She had worked hard her entire life and for her the state of lying on bed helpless was more excruciating than dying. She once shared this with me that she would not like to die out of pain or illness...she would love a way in which she would not just wake up from sleep one day...I guess she would'nt have complained...except seeing me married one day.

I have mixed feelings...really strange...one side reminds me of all those moments when we played chess, watched TV, me scolding her for having ghee, she scolding me for not having it...on other side I don't feel anything missing, I went to office after 2 days. People look at me with a sense of pity which i really hate...the conspicuous display of grief devour me of my very private feelings.

I can't comprehend what she meant to me but I feel sad...strangely after full one day, i cried, silently in my bed. I can't console mom n dad, can't pretend to be socially sad, can't hear others talking about her and how good a human being she was.

Maa, i would miss your blessings, miss the way you caressed my head, the way you looked at me, the way would sit quietly near me for hours while I studied,...

Between a few drags...

2010-03-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

It's 4.30 in the morning, there is a hint of rain as clouds gather at some distance. Cool breeze, a piercing one, the one we often felt at cautley rooftop...I am standing on the roof above my room. There is absolute stillness as most of the animals have slept by now. Another deep drag followed by a release that is'nt forceful at all. I should sleep now. It has been a month now that am sleeping at 4 or 5 in the morning specially when I don't have any thing to do (actually I don't want to do). I see light in some of the rooms of south-ex wing. Some 300 humans live around here and each is running through a phase that has a reputation of shaping up the future. I worry that is it really in my control, my future I mean. Should I try to control the situation (can I) or let it be. 'Being uncertain' is a characteristic of this age I guess. I often sit in class and smile at the intensity with which some of my classmates go for a question hunting when the news of a quiz in other section pops up. I have done that. I have also been on the other side and I am totally unsure about the right one. I now have this habit of not participating, I rather sit back and observe. The illusions that rationalizations create in our lives are really short lived but still the fear of unknown forces us to do so.

One can keep his eyes closed or open and an equal amount of bliss and pain can be attained either way but the answer I seek is the way that is right for me...I don't know. This unending analysis, alone or with friends, has been the source of many insights that die down the next day. We often idealize a particular way of living and that idealization is different for everyone and I, now, see these idealizations as mutually exclusive and no longer seek conformity. Doing nothing has given me two experiences, one that a baby would feel in the womb and other a person would feel in the jail. Either way the world outside the cave is same. I don't think that I am making any sense over here but that is the nature of thoughts...randomization at best.

live

2009-10-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

Almost after 14 months, I went for a movie with my sis n papa. Sometimes, my ma says that you have become a bit detached. I wonder...

Well that is not the purpose of this post. In fact, why do we need a purpose. The movie i went for was "wake up sid" - i really don't know if i liked it but one thing is for sure that you can go with your parents :P

While coming out i saw this big crowd on the centre floor of the mall, some dhol beats, some kind of dance (the one in which a guy is wearing a horse thingy) and being a national holiday, a hell lot of people. We, or Indians for that matter, just need a reason to celebrate. People were going crazy over that act and some even joined the fun. Just to sound differentiated, I said, what the hell...crazy people.

Anyway, now when i think of the time to come, i see difficulties, challenges and...a lot of things which would keep me thinking, rather worrying. The other day i was discussing with one of my friends that what we are supposed to do at this moment...you know, being in a B-school, the peer pressure, the goals and yeah placements. And we concluded (actually my friend concluded) that the kind of efficiency and commitment we often think of can only be expected from a machine and not from a human being. But we very well know that the survival of fittest theory still holds true but the only new addition is to think beyond survival (i know you must be remembering that "walking the extra mile" talks bosses often deliver). And it is this mad race of achieving instant gratification that will one day destroy us.

When i compare my present life with IIT life, every time i end up saying that those were the days. I met real people over there, carefree souls, filled with energy to live and explore and not at all worried about the future (at least for the major and better part of those 4yrs). And here in a B-school (MDI, if you wanna know), I am surrounded and am a part of the crowd that is trying to be different and when everyone tries to be different, we all end up being the same. Hardly a single day goes by when you are totally free or idle so that you can explore the interesting and livid side of life. The crowd thinks together, pretends to be together, works together but still it remains a crowd. I have seen people so insecure that their favourite past time is thinking what their competitors are upto. And believe it or not all this is making a severe impact on their psyche. I try to keep the real me alive lest i may end up joining the crowd. I know numbers, fin, brands et al drive the professional world but what about poetry, a smile, a laughter, the silence, the warmth, the feelings, ...

Sometime around March I met of one my schoolmate at Adventure park and she was happy. She had the same share pf problems, similar thoughts, similar joys, in short she had a life... But now, just yesterday, i came to know that she succumbed to lung infection and is no more in this world...

I know for all of us the end is the same. But striking a balance in order to have a memorable journey towards that end is something which we may be missing. I would just like to have some sensitivity and some compassion around me...in our country...in the people...we really don't know whether we may be alive to compete tomorrow.

And if you see the starting para...may be celebrating life is'nt a crazy thing.

bliss

2009-04-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

Sitting alone in my office at 8.00 in the morning. Everything is still. It's raining outside. From the window I can see the neem tree in front of my office. With each raindrop, every leaf of the neem tree is rejoicing. We both are thanking the clouds for this surprise in the month of April. I neither have the time nor liberty to type down this entry but still I can't avoid the temptation and the spell of this beautiful morning. The security guard is carelessly turning the pages of newspaper. The janitor is busy performing his daily routine of cleaning every cubicle. From the position of my cubicle I am not able to see the Sun but I can see the sunlight on the neem tree. It's strange yet beautiful, the combination of sunlight and rainfall. Suddenly the rainfall is over. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared.
Providing a blissful state for 12 minutes, it reminded me of all the beautiful feelings I have had in my life.
Soon, in fact very soon, other people will enter the office and I will resume the drudgery.
Still, this 15 minute of bliss is equivalent to an hour of meditation.

Hope

2008-08-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well ...it has really been a long time...
Is it deja vu...it must be. You play hard in life and play according to the ever changing rules and then you loose just to find yourself giving it another shot, in a hope, that may be this time you will win. But sometimes the situation is totally out of your hand and you feel helpless, like a kite with a snapped string.
I still remember the time when I was in Class 10th , I used to lie on the bed and dream about all the things I was fighting for and they were just dreams, I never cared nor questioned their feasibility. But at this stage, before I start to dream, am encountered by numerous 'ifs and buts'. Have I lost it, lost the power to dream or, on second opinion, the power to believe in self. With a developed sense of reasoning, I am missing that madness...the kind you often associate with love. I remember the lines from Shawshank Redemption, "fear makes you a prisoner and hope sets you free", and these lines remind me of the pain and the struggle you undergo before you actually achieve something. My rational self reminds me of that pain and the plausible rewards but what I need is the madness that pushes you through the tough times.
With each passing moment I hope...

P.S : like the present I leave this post unfulfilled.

I want to break free

2007-12-18T06:51:00.000-08:00

It's a world of perceptions.Away from reality, I have been living in it with a small cave for everything- this Leo has ever wanted.I get a place to satisfy my desires,my ego n not so good n bad of everything which forms a part of my conscious being. Yet I find a place, full of dissatisfaction and arguments agaisnt my own, self created image of Himanshu.

I guess it's the human nature which is never satisfied.I feel saturated at this juncture of my life and feel like going for a walk which will never end or may be packing my bag and going for a trip to a place unknown.I want to put an end to this competition, to the concept of being successful, to achievement...But then I guess that if I go on ending all these emotions one by one then life would loose all its spice.I have a job, am a successful son but whenever I get any congratulations or even a mention of how good am I or for that matter how bad am I, I feel sick. Can't we put an end to this classification. Where will I get a moment where I can be free, creative, like a child. Am a Leo I can't be part of the rat race.
I have been (in)famous for crying my heart out...but the fact is I really can't help it...You may find me sulking every now n then but then this is me. I guess, I am never satisfied. The past few months have been full of uncertainty and I still don't know what I want/need from my life. I have changed my ambitions and my desires every now n then, I have tried to hide my emotions and have become stoic to the extent that I feel like a stone.I feel like crying at times but then I even can not cry(I have tried...but failed).
All I can say is ,"RUN FORREST RUN".

Spirituality : Me,myself n God

2007-06-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

Well this one is going to be a heavy one as amazingly enough, though I am somewhat reluctant to mention it, I have been trying to locate/feel/realise the importance of God/energy/power/source.

Actually it started last semester when I felt a sudden need of some backup or support and throughout my struggle I had this invisible force providing me courage and strength.Let me tell you in advance that I am an atheist in the sense that I do not believe in any religion or practice followed anywhere in the world.But then I have often found myself saying O God help me this time!...may be it comes from the presence of the concept called "God" which I have been seeing ubiquitously around me.

Then today came the idea of exactly defining God as he/she/it exists in my life.It would be helpful to quip the thoughts which come to my mind while deciphering God 's existence.

The idea starts from the smallest of things around me say this laptop...surely it is made up of certain compounds which have certain atoms which in turn have protons,neutrons n electrons.These can be simplified into quarks and electrons.But what next where do these come from...these are basically the excitations of the quantum fields which exist everywhere so the space around us is not empty but its a seething cauldron of quantum particles.Any thing in matter/physical around us is made up of such quantum particles organised into lumps by energy.We surely have different kind of quantum fields around us but at planck's dimensions(planck's unit is to a human cell is same as a human cell to this universe) all these quantum fields originate from one field which is given by Unified field theory.So when big bang started everything at this planck's unit scale was unified...n what was before that has not been determined by science or it is beyond my knowledge.

Now comes the question of mind-matter duality given by Descartes. Well it has been proved that consciousness is not a metaphysical thing and it has some relation with quantum field/signals inside our brain.But exact cause is yet to be detremined but it is predicted that its also related with the same primary field as given by Unified field theory or is the whole world projection of our mind but I would say that our observation only made an already existing thing to come into being.

All these arguments along with other similar ones as you and I may think of come to rest at a certain point beyond which we could only believe and this very reason of having a certain belief in any concept makes me deviate from it.
So for me, as for now, God is one who makes me feel happy when I achieve success, the one who gives me strength to walk alone.God is the power which we feel in love or the pain which a mother feels giving birth.God is not and need no be a system/concept to be generalised and followed by everyone.Beacause according to me everyone creates his or her own God and it is our wish to view him as we want him to be viewed/felt/realised.

confessions...8.96

2007-06-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

First thing first...it feels great...absolutely amazing.The journey from 6.3 to 8.96
In fact after a long time(I suppose) anything fruitful has occurred in my life but my philosophical self forced me to dissect the path I followed and how cynical(again assuming) I was during all this.
I must admit the level of shrewdness in me, increased proportionally with my SGPA. I had the previous papers, I knew the solutions yet I refrained from disclosing them to some of very good natured guys lest they would have an upper hand in the battle(assumed) of grades(meagre). What kind of a moron(philosophical) I turned into.Somehow this feeling of guilt is haunting me every now n then.
But in the end the triumph is all mine and I assume that in a war the emotional generals have no place.The journey was tough(those without a 6pointer will never understand it) but then all good things are tough to achieve.
Walking lonely with earphones on, not giving a damn to anyone n everyone was like living a zombiesh life but then what a living it was, the struggle between my inefficiencies,my ego,my goals...everything has taught me something new in its own way.
I am relly sorry to all my friends who deserved(according to me) a better Himanshu then what I gave them.
sorry Bishnoi,Khare,Pg, Scooby, Sattu, rupal...for my insensitiveness.

cribbing aint d solution

2007-03-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

Man, the tough times are on...who said that you don't have to do anything here(i mean d campus).Time is now running like anything and with it , it's taking carrying along the micro tasks which have to be completed daily. All this seems so difficult and organising yourself is not an easy thing.
But that's not what am here for, the funda which recently struck up was that there are 2 major type of ppl am discovering now a days:
1. the ones who are ultra cool
2. the ones who crib
The difference between the two is that the former know how to hide or perhaps overcome their frustation and latter ones just take the easy route and crib. On a second thought , what's the problem in cribbing. I mean, its ok if you had a wishlist that just remained a wishlist and now you just look out for excuses within and around you to hide your shortcomings(and they are not an integral part of your life).
But dear friends the story does not end here. If it was supposed to end like this than in todays world individualism would never have had an upper hand above altruism. The reality is this that you have to breathe in this cruel(rather competitive) atmosphere. So you choose to join the 1st category that is--the ultra cool ones by putting a mask over your self by hiding your shortcomings lest other's would catch you(in a run that has no end). Solutions which help instantaneously are also instantaneous in their effect and don't solve the real problem.The problem gets solved when you learn to live in that mask and with time others will start percieving you as ultra cool.The trick lies in the fact that do not ,under any circumstances, expose your tender self to this arid world else you would join the list of loosers whose perception make the "ultra cools" what they are.
afterall its rightly said, "the world is a problem fot those who feel and fun for those who think".

I am the mean and I am the End

2007-02-18T02:07:00.000-08:00

oh God(I love to say this though I deny your existence).......
These days have been the most hectic ones till now.Feeling helpless sometimes and then suddenly full of confidence and then writing one of those purguratories(may be the spelling is wrong) of the lost love and suddenly hating her even more and then struggling between the newly discovered syndrome of COMPARISON.
Compare..........yeah we do tend to .............with anyone and everyone..................but why?????????
I feel life is too short for being bogged down or feeling superior just because of silly comparisons. And for the same reason I felt helpless for 2 hrs last night.
I mean why do we do this.
Its your life,your goals, your rewards then why do others feature in your scheme of things.I am the end and I am the mean to reach that end and I shall work on my weaknesses disregarding the fact(is it?) that "you fail because others succeed".
Am puzzled at present because of this newly discovered comparison syndrome but I have devised a way to overcome it(thanks to my dear friend).
Well such surges come and go , all you need to do is keep moving.

Be a Rebel......

2006-12-18T05:53:00.000-08:00

had written a long time ago bt wid recent 6.4; the emotions jus got stronger

Let the fire in come out,
As we sit & as we set out
Make the world bow to you
As they will cheer out for you
Be a rebel….

Bunk the classes, bunk your life
As the roads lead to canteen right!
Fuck the profs, fuck the tutes
As they will see your attitude
Be a rebel….

Puff in smoke, put it out
As you clear all your doubts
Let the beer flow in your veins
As this world will make you go insane
Be a rebel….

No one can rule, it’s your life
From your altitude let them fright
System sucks! Put it down
Rock your life in college grounds
Be a rebel….

Think the forest not the tree
As responsibility is not for free
Follow your dreams not the crowd
As you are the one to stand out
Be a rebel….

0.5 and u r fucked

2006-12-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

Suddenly you find your M.B.A dreams shattering into pieces ,that need an electron microscope to be distinguished, when you are delivered with a 0.5 out of 12.5 in your 1st T.S which happened a million yrs ago. I pity on this system and on Mr. Nangia(what the kind of shit he is heading).
I mean how can u get a 0.5 in a paper where there were 5 theory questions and you attempted all of them with utmost sincerity and devoted a good 3 page for every answer.
On one hand i boast of having an A+ in industrial sociology and have recieved numerous praises that i write well and then i find myself standing at this peak no 0.5 and the whole batch comprising of 5 branches peeing on me.For once i began doubting my aptitude 4 all this stuff when i realized that certain section of gals from a certain branch have a good 6-7 n 8 to boast 4 and these are the ppl whom MNCs will take so that they inturn can take them 2 new heights.
As I have a 0.5 so its assumed that I have no idea of fayol's principle, no idea about real life case studies. And the funny thing is that for writing about taylor's scientific management, maslow's pyramid of needs, mc gregor's theory x n y am gettin an A+ in industrial sociology n a 0.5 in management concept n principles.
i don know but I feel that this system is a big time sucker!!!!!!!!
I have seriously lost my faith and respect for the DOMS.

of study n footwear

2006-11-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

sitting on my ass for the last 6hrs in library and searching for some excitation of the grey matter which has long gone into hibernation.
there comes a serious of furious and "beat the hell out of you" events which most of us know as xams. I find myself fighting for a number(7.5 this time) and suddenly witnessing a storm of weird emotions(like the will to study and perform well) due to this self imposed torturing of ass.

But this will definitely bore u so i come back to the old forest type stuff.
first thing first along with xams d most imp n refreshing event is that suddenly u find a lot of gals in the lib(which counts for another reason y am here) and its only coz of them that my ass is not willing to yield.

i have to study nw(a new chic has jus entered the reading room)

p.s: girls plz improve upon the kind of footwear u go 4

cheeeeeeeeeers

ESFP

2006-11-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

suddenly am having an urge to spend a greater amount of time on the net and the outcome of this is that am struck amidst a lot of new attractions (from regular orkut stuuf to hindu news site to these weird personality tests)
N one such test i gave is MBTI-Myers Briggs type indicator.
i knw dat its world wide accepted as a test which is fair enough to judge the type of person u are by assigning u to one of of those 16 weird types
n my type is esfp(yaaaaaaaawnnnnnnnn)

What makes an ESFP tick?
The Dominant function is the perceptive one of Sensing. Characteristics associated with this function include:

Likes looking at information in terms of facts and details
Focuses more on the here and now rather than possibilities for the future
Feels comfortable in areas of proven experience
Takes a realistic approach

n blah blah blah(for more datails go to http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/mb-types/esfp.htm)

so at the end of the whole thing i was wondering if a ll that is true , then i knw a lot
about myself n in this way i can perform a self sot analysis
but i think all these things just make u fell good(i mean jus as a good change).

watever it may be

being an extrovert i feel like "i walk a lonely road, the only one that i had ever none"

still thinking!!!!!!!!!

Oh SOLITUDE!!!

2006-10-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

this is quite amazing.For the first time in three years I am living my life at home following the IIt(small t indicates the insignificance of technology) ishtyle.

Solitude-have heard this song, by evanescence, a number of times and every time I find myself exploring the abysmal depths where my self is hiding away from me.

Is solitude something we inflict upon ourselves or is it something which just happens.well! I advocate the latter one, but realise a strong presence of the former one.I feel that we want to be alone,to be misrable(am taking the negative aspect of solitude whih is not realised by a few),to feel helpless and thereby we gift ourselves with this solitude(my precious).
And yes,there is a clear cut demarcation between the solitude,I am mentioning, and between the solitude,which some people have as their lifestyle.If you have had a reticent living since childhood then it is fine but for an extrovert like me, solitude is definitely self inflicted and its nothing less than a scourge on my soul.
Introspection is helpful at some stages but it becomes exceedingly traumatic when you do it daily and solitude is the byproduct as well as the producer of this trauma.

I have a lot to say but then i feel that this all is not to be said but to be felt and stood against.

and finally some food for thought as selfishness>selflessness

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!

2006-08-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

life=difficult+complex+surprising+..........+infinite

in my mind i had decided that i will not any longer write any post which will have even the slightest mention of life
n yet here i am finding myself going for another one
have been stormed by a huge number of thoughts lately and have found myself stuck up n confused(though i know the ideal way out of the problem but application part has always been the most difficult 4 me)
i hate to say this but,"life has not been the way i wanted it to be".Learning from my management lessons i found that,"a manager never gets the ideal working atmosphere n things are rarely in favour for him n yet he turn the things in his favour".
N YES, "SHIT HAPPENS N INFACT IT HAPPENS EVERYDAY".
u can never control n decide how things will go but you can always analyse yourself n remould ur actions so that you end up in a win-win situation.
actually the idea behind writing this post is that am waiting 4 someone n i know that meeting can take place not earlier than 1.5 hrs from now n like a silly child am making myself believe that i can spend this much time by writing this post(i think u end up doing such stupid things when you feel like confused and force urself to realise that there is no other way out).
n nw am having an urge to runaway n engage myself in some task i don't want to do
but then as told "shit happens" n how can i be left unfucked 2day
accept my appologies 4 spelling errors n weird english

naya semester

2006-07-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

"the problem with this world is that the stupid are cock sure and the intelligent are always full of doubt"
BERTRAND RUSSELL
Have given quite a thought to the statement but have ended up in jus thinking about the category to which i belong(or do we need a further classification).
the new sem has started and so have new xpectations,new hopes n definitely a new plan(this time am determined to conquer the coveted satti).
while writing this am on a bunk(enjoying the serenity of the campus and the cc offcourse(i may sound a bit nerdy but then u cant blame me, its the place that offers a limited hangouts and cc ranks first during summers)).
Fuccchas have started to pour in and so do have the gals who will see there attitude reaching the height never scaled before(cant help it , as even bitches get a chance in iit; u may call it an axe land for gals).
Have read the "chicken soup for teenage soul", actually its quite interesting.
there was a line quoted as
"if you judge people you have no time to love them"
MOTHER TERESSA
WELL, i agree with it but the fucking hell can u stop judging the people(am not a superhuman).
neways time up n am goin 4 a tute
c ya

life is all about struggle

2006-07-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

java programming is one thing which has made this summers more scary.The program seems like, as if its written in byte code ,even before compilation.
Here is forrest seeing life from a common man's view,from sweating in a blue line bus(where helpers are in a continous fight for the time slot and the ladies giving the give-me-that-seat look) to watching babes in south ex(where the mantra seems like "if you have it flaunt it").
In between all this, is ,forrest watching a man in his late 40s trying to dug his eyes deep into the cleavage of a trying-to-be-modern lady(she in her early 30s).Ofcourse my delhi can never learn even M of manners.
The mind of girls is tough to decipher,those in Aptech (thats where i learn java)have only 2 problems:
1. why is he staring like this?
2. why is he not looking towards me?
But forrest was thinking that he has risen above all this, his latest problem was his new jeans which was a bit longer for him so, whether to fold it or keep it straight, occupied him so much that girls had to find some other guy to put forward their 2 favourite questions.
The time flew by as if the vacations started yesterday.In these holidays beside investigating other's profiles on orkut and taking bath daily, forrest did nothing.
Finally the day came when he enrolled for java and found her looking equally excited and waiting for the class to begin.She asked Forrest ,"are you in the java core batch",Forrest said "yes"(and also tryin not to look at her larger than life b***s).
Then forrest asked her about her college and she replied modestly,but "ye dil maange more", so forrest tried to talk further but then controlled him lest she would think him as another despo eager to know her whole history in one day.The sunny days were stormed by the entry of the teacher(who whenever in doubt laughed away the whole question).And the conversation was over before it appeared to be really started.
Well these things are common in a guy's life as getting proposals are common in a gal's.
On one end lakshmi mittal was busy celebrating the merging with arcelor,Forrest was busy in helping his mom in cleaning the ceiling fan.He consoled himsely by thinking that "afterall life is all about struggle".

I PROTEST : Mera Bharat Mahan

2006-05-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

dis reservation crap is making me go insane. Firstly, i hate politics and to add to it caste has also joined the league. Donno hw can we imagine India progressin if such is the national scenario.
continuin wid my poems i felt like i can contribute smthin
so here is wat i have 2 say n yes hindi bounce maar sakti hai

MERA BHARAT MAHAN

Ab tak khaate aaye the ye chara aur urea
Ab kha rahein hain ye pratibhayein aur majbooriyan

Raajniti ban gayi hai ab aarakshan niti
Gareebon ko do jhooti ummedein, bas chal rahi hai ye riti

Gyan kunj bharat ko ab ye bhrasht kunj banayenge
Jaati ke bhed pe ab shiksha ko batwaayenge

Ab to shreshta warg bhi pichda ban ne ko aatur hai
Uthaan ke naam par desh girne ko aatur hai

Aryabhatt aur tagore ki bhoomi, dekho kaise jalti hai
Desh ki shiksha pranali ab nakal pe chalti hai

Bhooke mar jaayein chahe ab bacche hadtaalon mein
Chalwa ke laathi ye bas ghoom rahein hain laal batti caroon mein

Agar chalta raha yahi to ek din aisa aayega
Maa baap ke naam se pehle shishu jaati batleyega

Jaati aur bhrashtachaar ke aadhar par bante neta dhanwaan hain
Phir bhi cheekh cheekh kar kehte MERA BHARAT MAHAN hai.

Cogito ergo sum

2006-05-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

I think therefore I am

Given below is something i feel and it may not be applicable to everyone but it may be helpfull for some and yes its not a dairy entry.

I really don't know d truth but atleast it feels nice to talk about it. The philosophy fever is here to stay and yes its for good(mine only).Selfishness is no longer a negative concept but i still have to acquire it (may be to some extent).
as u continue to grow u r surrounded by numerous complexities pertaining to numerous fields. Now i understand why they say that childhood days r the best days but am living 4 d moment n enjoying every bit of it.Unless u r not going to taste it how will u b able to realize d nature of such complexities.Sometimes the forrest in me says "is that what i have to live with and have to die seeing it", why can't the world be as simple as forrest.Ayn rand died saying that forrest u need to be a bit selfish but "dil hai ki manta nahi"(actually being filmi is another way of bursting stress).
U come across X no. of people daily and these X no. of people are thinking of 10X ways of fucking you in a way that even dementors would be put to shame. Not all are alike but the majority belongs to X.Then i think that only the forrest inside me is there for my rescue. A good friend of mine arjun pointed that we all are lonely islands and i supplement it by saying that we all are lonely islands on which every flying bird can shit if we allow(unknowingly) it to.

so what is the ideal way out??
simple stop being slave of circumstances, stop being slave of others mind and of yours too.Who the hell others think they are so that they can affect u in any form.You have to realize that people think differently and the moment u realize it u will find all misunderstandings fading away. but never trust an alien and except u there is a certain degree of alienty ranging from 0 to 100 in everyone around u.What we actually got to do is set our priorities right, its u who has to decide whats important to u and the degree to which u can allow others to interfere in ur life.
Try being in charge of things(even i am also doing it) and u will soon feel u r invincible.Your insignificant others should not be powerful enough to hurt u in any way or make u change ur plan of action.

u may not but i believe dat "truth always reveals itself though at a later stage"

bas abhi ke liye itna hi gyan kaafi hai

enjoy!!!!!

Ashes : from fire to smoke

2006-04-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

( to all the smokers n nonsmokers)
well friends by now you all must have heard BC SUTTA version. You see that was someyhing light. Here i am trying to present a poem in which a cigarette is talking to its smoker.
so this is for those who smoke DIL SE...

Come & burn me
And I will burn you to ashes
Ashes, which do not feel the pain
They will take you on a journey
Journey, which you will love o go on again
You will be in my arms
Arms, which will comfort you in this concrete world
Feel the smoke within
Smoke, which will make you blind towards everything
You will now forget all the people
People, who gave you all the pain
You will be burned to the core
Core, which has all the wounds on it
Feel till the last breath
Breath, which you wish to stop forever
Your eyes will be filled from water
Water, which nobody cares for
Am I burning or is it you
You, my dear, I am the only one who cares for
Don’t let me die else so will you
You, my dear, for whom I am here for
You are my child
Child, who needed milk when he got alcohol
Donate yourself to me
Me, the only one who is there for you, always……..

PENCHOR(BC) ROCKSTAR ROCKSTAR NA BAN SAKA

2006-04-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

Her hair were long enough to cover her back,she gave a seductive smile as her hands caressed those locks.The silk gown accentuating her perfect figure,she slowly moved towards forrest but her eyes remained fixed on him.As she took his hands in hers forrest felt like 'wow',he moved his hands down her spine and kissed her lower lip. This was enough for forrest to defy the laws of gravity......
He got bored of this usual stuff where he fascinated himself as the hero of the pornographic text he was reading.Just 16 and he had the capacity of turning 16 cigarettes to smoke in a day.It was usual for him,then he took his diary and started writing

The game is about name
One day it'll put you to shame
Everything in this hell bears a rate
But you can never buy your own fate
Blame it on einstein or on relativity
But its really killing our creativity...

he was eagerly waiting for the school function to begin where their rock band 'SATAN' will perform on this new song.He could not wait any longer to impress Ana with his guitar,afterall it was his first real six string.After that he had plans of asking her for a date on valentine's day.He dreamed about his band to achieve success like linkin park.

but a voice, strong enough to kill his dreams forced forrest to wake up and study from the H.C.Verma he was sleeping on....

you can run but can not hide

2006-04-08T04:21:00.000-07:00

FORFEIT THE GAME
BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE PUTS YOUR NAME TO SHAME
THE PACE IS TOO FAST
YOU JUST WON'T LAST

Is the pace too fast or r we making it.saala life is a big word as i learnt it in my philosophy lessons.But everytime i see it, it seems beautiful.Feel like, being forrest gump is too big a thing, just give everything and don't expect anything in return.Recently i went thru a book titled "psychology of persuasion";man these people will make you go insane,jus look the way they turn simple things into complicated ones but i also belong to the same category.
well being a part of d campus,i can't ignore the things goin on.Every year you have one or two students short as they choose to meet god(don't know where he/she/this thing exists).
arre marna hi hai to saala maar ke maro,tumhe kya pata kitno ka bhala ho jayega.
on a serious note,y such things are happening,y r we making a storm of feelings/thoughts out of nothing.People think twice before committing suicide,main to kehta hoon ki keep on thinking in this way you will never commit it.

Now for the junta who have fallen in love & r going smoothly.Take time to settle things don't just jump onto the conlusion of getting married and please stop thinking that ur partner is perfect 4 u afterall love is not about loving perfectly its a way where u learn to enjoy the differences.

And those who have faced failure in love,yaaron mast rehne ka. prior to being smitten you never knew that you may fall in love so just chill there must b something better for you in the stock.

first year girls please learn something about threading and waxing from ur seniors.
and guys its summer time so do take a bath.

nw am getting bored plz pardon me 4 ne spelling errors

presentation or reality

2005-09-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

its 3:59 in the afternoon, suddenly ishq kamina starts(its the alarm tone on cell). Pressed by a big yawn(& my thumb) the alarm is delayed for 5min.
But ai'nt no use complainin when u got a tute 2 attend. Greeted by usual "don't be late again" warning forrest entered d class. People u need 2 give a 2min presentation on ur friend's life as seen by u 10 yrs from now.
The sleeping grey matter soon got a jerk &................
Forrest was in his office waiting for the boss to arrive, o the first day in office is really exciting(lot of those who need not be named worked there) he thought!
But like every good thing comes to an end this "exciting " day died the death of a freedom fighter supressed by the entry of the boss.
Boss was apna class ghissu tiwari in his characterstic spectacles & soon the whole college days were dancing in front of forrest. He was the one who choked tiwari everytime he tried to speak.
Tiwari on seeing forrest as his assistant gave the gabbar' sholay laugh & forrest prepared his ass to be fetched by tiwari's new liberty shoes. Tiwari said "hello mr.forrest it's good to see u again,now let's get to some work.U would need to do an overtime this week". Smile on forrest's face was burried in her gave .

The 2min were over but these 2min made forrest to visit his worst nightmare.
u could be forrest!
so saalon thodi ghissai kar lo
bye